Battered
by CatalanCats
Summary: You don't have to wait for someone to treat you bad repeatedly. All it takes is once, and if they get away with it that once, if they know they can treat you like that, then it sets the pattern for the future. (Part 1)
1. Chapter 1

**This is going to be a five chapter story with a follow up that's going to be here when this is done. I've had this in my head for so long that I just had to get it out...I hope you like it. Also, tell me what you think? It's actually pretty hard writing and posting when I don't know what you think about it.**

**Summary: You don't have to wait for someone to treat you bad repeatedly. All it takes is once, and if they get away with it that once, if they know they can treat you like that, then it sets the pattern for the future. (Also, I suck at titles...)**

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><p>I had a mind for work and only work for so long, that I never really distracted myself with love or the likes. That was until I met Bryan.<p>

I'd seen him from time to time in the coffee shop, where I stopped every morning for my shot of caffeine. His dark hair and gray eyes always had me staring at him and I knew that he noticed, because usually, he was staring at me too.

The third time that we'd caught each other staring, he approached me and asked me out for a cup of coffee sometime. I gave him my number, and I felt like I was floating on air.

We went from a cup of coffee to lunch, and to dinner and all in one day. We were infatuated with each other and it didn't take long before we spent more time together than I'd ever spent with someone.

I fell in love, he was the perfect gentleman and exactly what I needed to stop being such a workaholic. Or so I thought.

We were together for six months when my apartment got broken into, and they cleaned the place out. They even took the couch, my bed, my clothes. I couldn't tell when they had broken in because I spent so much time with Bryan at his place that I hadn't been home for at least three weeks.

He offered me a place to stay, at least until I got back on my feet but we both knew that I would move in and wouldn't leave until we split up—if that was ever going to happen. And so he helped me by buying me clothes, and gave me the key to his apartment.

"_Now it's ours."_ He'd said and I was as happy as I could be in a situation like that. I moved in with him, which didn't take long because most of what I had left was at his place, and what wasn't, was at my office.

I didn't have many friends. I never had, because I'd been and still was a workaholic, and he took that to his advantage. He slowly started changing, but I never noticed because he was perfect in my eyes and I trusted him with everything that I had. He took advantage of that too, because when I'd lived with him for a month he'd asked me to combine our bank accounts.

"_It'll be easier." _He'd said with that charming smile, and I had complied. What's the worst that could happen?

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><p>I lay on my side with my head on his chest and my arm sprawled over his stomach casually. But even while cuddling I managed to find a way to stay as far away as possible. My knees pulled up as far as I could, making it so that I covered most of the bed.<p>

"Why are you so far away?" He pushed hard against my lower back with his hand and arm and I gritted my teeth when the searing pain followed. "Come closer."

I stretched my legs and ignored the pain as I scooted closer, and when he could he grabbed my leg and threw it over his.

It was late. If I wanted to be well rested for another day at work with profilers who could see everything, I needed my sleep but I knew it wouldn't happen anytime soon. He wasn't done with me yet.

"Better?"

"I don't like that I have to ask for it," he muttered. I balled my hand in a fist as he pressed his fingers into the bruise on my lower back. "And we still have to talk about what happened earlier."

"I agree." I knew we both had a different scenario in our head about what happened earlier. He would apologize for what happened, I knew that. He'd done it a million times in the past year and every time I forgave him. What choice did I have?

"I'm sorry," he said right on cue. "I just...I get so angry when I see you looking at other men." I hadn't actually looked at another man, not really. "Flirting." I wouldn't dare, because I knew what would happen if I did.

"I know, I'm sorry. It won't happen again." It was the truth, even though in my head it hadn't happened in the first place. Bryan was a jealous person and I had learned to live with that.

"That's what you say every time." He sighed and I closed my eyes. I could say the same for him, but I didn't. "I just wish you would understand...I love you so much."

I swallowed and licked my lips. "I love you too." I had a hard time saying the words, but I knew I was honest. I did love him, and I would do anything to make him happy. But I also knew that he would never be truly happy with anything that I did and he would always find a reason to get angry.

"Good. Why don't you show me?"

I leaned up and slowly moved closer, ready to kiss him. I knew where it would lead to, and I also knew that I had to do everything in my power to make sure it was good enough for him—to show him that I loved him.

There was a sparkle in his eyes before he closed them and when my lips touched his, he moaned and I could feel how he got excited about the prospect of what was going to happen. I lingered, a kiss the only thing that I could initiate at this point.

He took over after a minute, flipping me on my back and kissing me harder and faster. He pressed his hips into mine, and every bruise on my back made itself known.

I would be extremely sore in the morning, but as long as he knew that I loved him, I was alright with that.

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><p>Bryan left a note every morning. He would usually leave before I even woke up, having a demanding job that required him to work days of twelve hours.<p>

"_I love you. Have a great day and don't forget about dinner."_

I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and made my way to the bathroom. Like every morning, the first thing that I did was check my body for bruises that would be visible, and like every morning I found none.

Bryan was a smart man. He knew that if he left a bruise somewhere that someone could see, I would be able to say something about it and he would go to jail. But I would never say anything about what happened at home, because that would mean that I had nowhere to go, and I had no money to do anything.

He didn't hit me every day.

I took a quick shower and got dressed, knowing that I had a long day ahead of me. Not only did I have to work a long day, Bryan had invited some of his friends over to dinner and I had to prepare the food, and be the amazing hostess that he considered me to be—everything rode on that and I had to be on top of my game to make him happy.

All I needed to do for that was make sure that dinner was ready when he came home with his friends. And I had already had a perfect plan in my head to make sure that would be doable.

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><p>"Hey Spence." I flashed him a smile as the young genius waved at me. Spencer Reid was the youngest of the team but he was also the smartest. At least with numbers, and everything else but human interaction. It wasn't his fault that he didn't know how to talk to people sometimes, or that he didn't see some things hurt people.<p>

"How was your weekend JJ?"

I shrugged despite the pain. "It was fine. How was yours?"

"Reid spent the weekend holed up in his apartment reading, you know that Jayje," Derek Morgan said with a grin as he walked in and gave me a friendly pat on my back. I bit my lip to keep me from making a sound, and then smiled at him.

"Be nice Morgan." Spence smiled shyly and Derek opened his mouth to say something when Emily Prentiss walked into the bullpen. "Hey Em."

"Hey guys," Emily smiled and then sat down at her desk. "So I hear we have a case close by for once," Emily looked at me for confirmation and I rolled my eyes.

"I haven't even gotten the time to check what cases have come in today." I realized though, that if that was what was being said, that Aaron Hotchner had picked out a care or he'd been called in to one by local authorities.

"Hotch?" Emily's voice held most of the question, and I nodded my head.

"I guess."

"You guessed right," Hotch said from behind me. He gestured to the conference room and Derek, Spencer and Emily stood and followed him into into the room. "JJ, you too."

I was surprised when he called me in but I followed. If we had a case close by, maybe I could still be home in time to make dinner.

Once in the conference room, Hotch took over and explained the case to us. I listened, but soon got distracted by the planning in my head. I needed to be home in time for dinner if I wanted Bryan to be happy. Last night's fight was still too fresh to add another one to it and I didn't think my body could handle another.

"JJ?"

I looked up, squinting to focus on Emily who had called out my name.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Are you coming with?"

"Um...sure?"

Emily looked at me, worry etched on her face. I didn't even know what I had agreed to, and she knew that. She could see it. I looked around, only to see that everyone except Emily had left the room.

"Okay, you want to tell me what's going on?" she asked when I frowned at the empty room. I looked at her and forced a smile—one I had used many times in front of cameras but never with any of my team members.

"I'm just tired is all," I said without missing a beat. "Where are we going?" I stood to my feet and Emily sighed, rolling her eyes before she stood.

"The case...it's just an hour drive and Hotch thought it would be easier if we carpooled. He asked you to come with but you were so far gone that I offered to wait, and ask you again."

"I have to be home in time though, Bryan invited some of his friends over for dinner and I want to be ready on time," I said, licking my lips. Emily shook her head and took a deep breath.

"Why don't you stay here then, help Garcia?"

I thought about it for a moment, knowing that Emily only wanted to help. But I also knew that I was the one that made things easier for them, that made sure that they could do whatever they wanted without having to worry about the local police or anything else.

"We both know that I need to be there to clear the road for you. I'll just call Bryan, it'll be fine," I said, having made up my mind. He would either have to reschedule with his friends, or make dinner himself.

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><p>Emily offered to drive while I tried to reach Bryan. He didn't answer my calls though and so when I'd tried for a fourth time, I gave up and sent him a text.<p>

_"I couldn't reach you, I have a case an hour away and I won't be able to make it to dinner."_

Emily glanced at me from time to time but didn't say a word. When I put away my phone she turned on the radio and tapped her fingers on the wheel.

"So how are things with you and Bryan?" She asked after a while. I shrugged and stared out the window.

"They're great." I could feel her watching me and I turned my head toward her. "What?"

"I...nothing," she said. I wondered what she wanted to say but I didn't ask. Emily knew more than she should about Bryan and me—the first time he'd left bruises on my body she'd seen them—but I didn't want her to know more. I'd told her that I had walked into a door knob, but she didn't believe me. Of course she didn't.

In the year that Bryan and I had been together she had asked me numerous times if he hurt me, and every time she did I would tell her that he didn't and that we were fine. She was my friend, but we weren't close enough for me to be comfortable talking about my personal life.

"Just so you know, I love him. And we are happy, so you don't have to worry about it."

She raised her eyebrows as she glanced at me again and then nodded her head. She would let it go for now, but I knew that she would keep pushing until she knew more. It was the profiler in her, but also the caring person that she was.

I had to get better at hiding.


	2. Chapter 2

**I was going to update every day but I had such a busy day yesterday that I didn't have time so here you go. 2/5. Thanks for the alerts and favorites, I appreciate it. Working on the next chapter, so tell me what you think? **

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><p>I was exhausted by the time I got home that night and I still hadn't heard from Bryan. That alone was enough to make my skin crawl when I opened the door to our apartment.<p>

I heard laughter coming from the living room and I balled my hands into fists before I put my bag down and made my way toward the living room. Bryan grinned at something his friend, Micheal said, and then looked up to see me standing in the doorway.

Nothing in the world could prepare me for the flash of anger that showed in his eyes even though it was only a second. A shiver ran down my spine as he stood and walked over to me.

"Hey honey," he said, his voice smooth. I smiled at him and as he pulled me into a bone crushing hug, I knew that we would get into another fight. "I'm sorry I didn't text you back...I was busy."

"It's okay. I'm sorry I couldn't make it," I said quickly, "I get the feeling that it'll happen a lot more." He tightened his grip before he let go and turned around, pulling me against his side.

"Michael was just leaving." Michael stood to his feet with a grin on his face and bowed his head. "Too bad you missed dinner, it would've been perfect."

"I'll make sure I can make it next time," I smiled at Michael even though Bryan's fingers dug into my side painfully.

"That would be lovely."

"Why don't you take a shower while I show Michael out?" Bryan said and I bit my lip, the anger in his body a lot to take in. And there was nothing I could think of to stop it, so I nodded and waited until he let go of me before I made my way to the bathroom. My side throbbed where his fingers had pushed into my skin and I swallowed my tears as I realized that for the first time in a year, I just wanted to leave.

The fact that I worked with killers, rapists and abusers didn't help any. Because even though I knew what it looked like when a woman was being abused, I still let myself stay in a situation where I got hurt on a regular basis. I still protected Bryan and defended him against my team, and I still let him beat me whenever he got angry.

Yes, I thought I deserved it, but wasn't that was every battered woman thought? I thought I owed him, but wasn't that what every one of those women thought?

So why did I stay?

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><p>"You should call in sick tomorrow."<p>

Bryan walked into the bathroom just as I stepped out of the shower and I flinched. He noticed, I could see it in his eyes that he did.

"Why?"

He gritted his teeth and took a step toward me but this time I was prepared, and I didn't show him that I just wanted to disappear.

"Because I say so. You disappointed me today Jennifer, and you need to be taught a lesson in keeping promises," he said, his voice still smooth. But I knew what was hiding behind the smoothness of his voice and his actions.

"I don't want to lose my job Bryan. I can't just keep calling in sick," I muttered, knowing that it was a mistake but not wanting to give up so easily. "I'll keep my promises okay?"

"You keep saying that...keep promising that and it still happens, doesn't it? It's...I don't want to do this but you give me no choice."

He had a choice. He wanted to hurt me and so he would. I had no choice in the matter and I knew that I deserved it in some way or another. He took care of me. In every way possible he made sure I was okay.

And so began another night of fighting.

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><p>I kept calling it fighting. I knew it came nowhere close to that because fighting meant that I stood a chance. And I didn't, not in the least bit.<p>

"Hey Em...can you tell Hotch I won't be coming in today?" I knew that Emily was the only one to be able to figure out why I called in sick but she was also the only one I trusted enough to keep it quiet. And right then I needed someone that I could trust.

"Sure...what's wrong?"

I had thought up a whole story for the question but as I stuttered I realized I couldn't lie. Not like that. "I'm sick."

"Sure." I could hear the sarcasm and doubt in her voice but because she said nothing else I breathed a sigh of relief.

"I um, I'll call when I'm better."

I didn't wait for a reply but disconnected the line and turned off my phone. Bryan had already left and I had the day to myself, but as I tried moving my body protested.

I had new bruises over my day old ones and some that were visible on my arms and legs. I did my best not to think of the night before, having come home too late and not keeping my promises. Everything that I could do to ignore the nagging in the back of my head, telling me to find a way out, because once I thought about it I wouldn't be able to stop and he would notice.

I got out of bed regardless of the way my body practically wanted to shut down and I made my way to the bathroom, like every morning. I looked over my body like I would at s painting—interested but detached—and noticed the bruises and even a trickle of blood coming from a cut in my side. I cleaned it, hissing when the antiseptic touched my skin, and quickly covered the cut with some gauze.

It took me ten minutes but I got it to stick, my hand shaking so badly that I ripped it off a couple of times.

I made my way to the kitchen, realizing that I was limping because my knee hurt so badly. I decided that I would check it out in a minute—I needed some food because if I didn't eat I would faint. I hadn't eaten in more than twelve hours.

I poured some cereal and sat down at the table, slowly eating my breakfast. My knee throbbed and I sighed, lifting my sweatpants over it and looking at the bruise. It was swollen but I didn't think there was anything else wrong with it—I think I would've felt that. It just hurt because of the fluid behind the bruises.

The home phone rang but it was in the living room and I didn't want my cereal to get too soggy so I let it go. It would go to voicemail and if it was important they would leave a message.

"Hey Jayje, I'm coming over if you don't answer the phone the next time I'm calling. I'm worried about you."

Emily's voice rang through the house and I closed my eyes, my heart thudding in my chest as what she said hit home. I sighed again and stood, leaving the half eaten bowl of cereal on the kitchen table. I made my way to the living room, grabbed the phone and pressed redial.

"Jayje? I just called you."

"I know, I already told you not to worry right? I don't want to infect you with this virus, they say it's real bad." I gritted my teeth as I made my way to the bedroom, limping. "I'm pretty sick."

"The case is solved, I have some spare time. I'll come over in an hour...you're making me worry even more now. Where's Bryan?" She asked and I sat down on the edge of the bed, not knowing what else to say to stop her from coming over.

Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to have her come over and see me. Maybe I was hoping she would come over, but because I had ordered myself not to think about that, I didn't even know what I wanted.

"Em, I'm fine...I mean, sick but I'm not hurt or anything." I looked at my hand, and frowned when I saw a bruise on the back of it. "But if you really want to come over, give me two hours. The house is not fit for visitors."

"Are you crazy? Who cares?" She asked and I looked up at the ceiling.

"I care."

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><p>With Emily on her way here I only had a couple of minutes left for a shower and to get dressed. The upside of having called in sick is that I could be a little less presented and wear my sweatpants, which was a good thing because my knee had swollen even more.<p>

I quickly washed myself and got dressed and was ready just in time to hear the doorbell ring. If Bryan knew I was entertaining he would freak out but I couldn't let her wait and so I opened the door, a smile on my face.

"You look horrible!" She exclaimed when she saw me, not in the least bit holding back. I raised an eyebrow but stepped aside.

"Thanks Em. That makes me feel so much better," I replied as she stepped inside. I glanced outside, hoping to see something but not seeing a thing, before I closed the door. "Want coffee?"

I had started a fresh pot right before I took a shower and I knew it would be done, but she declined. I still made my way to the kitchen, slowly, forcing myself not to limp, and poured myself a cup.

"You're pulling your leg...why are you pulling your leg?" Emily asked, having followed me into the kitchen. I looked down at my leg as if I could find an answer there to give her but of course I couldn't.

"It's nothing...an old soccer injury." It was all I could think of but at least I wasn't lying too much. I did have an old soccer injury but it was the other knee that had been hurt back then. Emily shrugged and I knew for now, she would let it go. But she would bring it back up soon, when she had enough reason to do so.

"So anyway...you don't look sick. What's up?" Emily sat down at the kitchen table and I sat opposite of her, wrapping my ice cold hands around the hot cup. "Did something happen?"

"Like what?" I asked. I knew I was safe to act like nothing happened with Bryan because I had covered the bruises that were visible well enough. I'd learned how to do that a while back when I met one of the victims, who'd gone through more than I could imagine.

"I don't know...you tell me. I know we're not much of friends beside work, but you know I care enough to want to help you. Is there anything I can do to help you? Something you need?" Emily rambled and I waited until she was done patiently.

"No Emily. I'm perfectly fine, there is nothing wrong. I just have a stomach bug." Again, I had perfected this story while I worked on cleaning the house, and I knew it was a good excuse. It wasn't something she could check on.

"Right." She muttered and then leaned back in the chair. "I don't know how long I can act like I don't know Jayje. I don't know how long I can keep this all to myself."

"And I don't know what you're talking about," I said without missing a beat. I stared at her and she looked down at her lap. "There's nothing to keep quiet."

She laughed a dry, humorless laugh and I flinched when she looked up, her eyes hard. "I know he abuses you, Jayje."

It was the first time she said it out loud. In fact, it was the first time it had been brought up at all, even my thinking about it had me on edge, thinking that he could hear my thoughts and would punish me for even thinking something like that.

But she was right because me being scared of my own thoughts said more than enough. "You don't know anything."

"The fact that you don't deny it says enough Jayje. And you're crazy if you think I don't see the amount of concealer you slapped on your face and every part of your body that's visible to hide the bruises. I may be blind to some things but I can see it happening."

"Em." I stood, ignoring the throb of pain in my knee. "I think you should leave."

_Please stay and help me. _

"Jayje, I just want to help you," Emily said standing to her feet.

"I'll see you tomorrow." I had to keep myself from begging, this conversation having brought more pain than any bruise could have. But I couldn't leave because I didn't have any money. I didn't have anywhere to go, all I could do was stay where I was.

"Can...Jayje? Whenever you need me, no matter what, I'll be there to help you okay? But please think about it?" Emily had tears in her eyes, and I felt my resolve break. But I couldn't give in. I had no place else to go.

"I will."

But I wouldn't. Thinking about it would only make things worse. It would only give me hope that would turn out to be false because I couldn't leave, and I couldn't depend on anyone. Bryan was the only dependable person in my life and even though he hurt me, he had total control over everything that I owned and there was nothing that I could do.

When Emily was gone, I made my way to the bedroom and lay down. It was only then that I saw the note on the night stand. My heart quickened and as I picked it up, I noticed my hands shaking.

_I'm sorry for last night. How about I make it up to you by taking you out for the weekend? Text me._

It had been hours since he left the note and I hadn't seen it. I hadn't even thought about it even though he had left me a note every morning since I moved in with him.

I turned on my phone as quick as I could and noticed three missed calls from Emily, two from Bryan and three texts from him, all saying the same.

"_Didn't you see the note?"_

I sighed and replied. _"__That sounds amazing. Anything you need today?"_

"_Just you tonight. I'll be home by six."_ And just like that my nap would have to wait, or I would be in trouble again. I needed to make sure dinner was done by six.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you _sez101 _for the review on chapter one! I'm looking forward to more, so tell me what you think? I finished this story today, so I'll update every day while I write the next one in this series. Have fun.**

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><p>Bryan had always been a jealous guy but he only got worse when I moved in with him. Whenever he could, he would check my phone for anything that might suggest I was talking to someone else and sometimes, even when it wasn't there he'd find it.<p>

It had started small. The jealousy was cute for a while until he got angry every time I got a text from Derek or even Spence. He had met them both and knew that they were my coworkers above all, even though I enjoyed spending time with Spencer.

He somehow got me all to himself pretty quickly and all I did was work and go home to cook, eat and sleep. Even the times that I went with the team on a case were getting lesser and I never really minded.

When Hotch would ask me about it I'd tell him that things at home had become a little harder, and when one of the team asked I would say the same and Bryan was happy enough that I was staying home when I could be in...who knows where.

But that was just the beginning, because when he had me where he wanted me, he started changing me. He changed the way I dressed and I was okay with that. He got me different makeup and told me he'd heard from a friend it was the best. I was okay with that. Our joint account paid for all that which meant I paid for it too. But he never saw it that way. I never saw a dime of my own hard earned money.

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><p>It surprised me still that the next month nothing happened in the least. It had been a while since he'd been so collected that he could take so many mistakes and broken promises.<p>

I'd been busy at work, it having somehow been a month to kill, which meant that I had more than enough cases to sift through, people to call and presentations to give. The team had to up the pace, but all the cases had been solved.

Occasionally when I made my way through the bullpen I could feel Emily staring at me. She kept an eye on me at all times, and asked me regularly how I was doing. I always told her the same thing—that I was fine. She took it without a fight but I could still see and feel her stare when I walked by her desk.

"JJ, what case are you presenting today?" Hotch stood in the doorway of my office when I looked up and I shook my head.

"I just got in. I still have a dozen cases to go through," I told him, a little irritated that he came so early.

"Forget about them for today. We have a case," he said and I frowned at him. "I got a call, third murder in a week and they suspect three others in the last month."

"Has Garcia checked them out yet?"

It was always so much easier when Hotch had someone call because he would make sure that everyone was up to date and he would put Garcia to work. But it also took my mind off of everything else including Bryan.

"She's working on it. It's in California so the yet leaves in half an hour. You should stay here though, we can manage without you there as long as you're here helping Garcia." He left before I could say anything. Not that I had anything to say about what happened.

Not that I could even think about wanting to go with them. Hotch knew something was up, he just never showed it.

I was just about to get up and meet Garcia in her 'lair' when the door closed and when I looked up, Emily stood in front of the door.

"Em?"

"I've been thinking and I realize I've been pushy when it comes to you and Bryan and it's not my place." She blurted out in one breath. I nodded, waiting for her to go on. "I also realize that I could've said this three weeks ago because that's when I realized it so I'm sorry."

"Why don't you sit down?" I asked, leaning back in my chair. I pushed my hand against my stomach, a cramp shooting through.

"Right," she made her way to the chair and sank down. "I just want you to know that I'm here when you need me. And when you are ready to see what's going on isn't right, I'm here."

"You do realize that this isn't making it any better?" I asked with a straight face and she nodded. She stared at my hand on my stomach and I crossed my arms.

"Yea I do but I just...maybe we aren't really friends but I want to offer my help because I care about you." She looked at me and I nodded.

"I hear you loud and clear. We're fine though so don't worry," I said, not bothering to clarify who was fine. She knew what I meant and she also knew that I meant that she and I were fine, no hard feelings. "You should go though, Hotch will be waiting."

"Yea." She stood and stared at me for a moment before she opened the door and walked away. I sat staring at the open door for a long time, just trying to figure out why I kept rejecting her when I knew that I needed help.

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><p>It had been a while since I'd helped Garcia and I was looking forward to it more than I was willing to admit.<p>

Penelope Garcia was one of my favorite people on the team and working with her was always a pleasure, but I didn't think it was going to happen anytime soon. I stared at the heaps of folders I had to go through, something that I regularly did but it never seemed to be enough.

Every day a dozen cases were brought to us and we could only do so much to work around them. With the team gone I could take that time to read through them and decide which case we'd do next and which case I had to decline.

"Jayje? Where are you?"

I blinked and looked up, but Garcia wasn't in my office. She of course had hacked into the intercom system.

"I have a million cases to review."

I felt weird talking into an empty office but I knew she heard me. I didn't even have an intercom in my office so I still wondered how she was able to do what she did.

"I need you buttercup."

"I'll be there in a minute okay? Finishing this case first," I muttered and I heard her hum before there was a buzz and she was gone. I quickly finished reading through the case and put it on the pile of to do before I stood.

There were more than enough moments today that I could sit down and sift through them but when Garcia called, I couldn't say no. And so I made my way through the hall and knocked on her door. She usually locked it from the inside so that she didn't get distracted by random people barging in.

She opened the door and quickly got back to her computer, her screens all showing something different. She had half a dozen of them around her but the one in front of her showed her what she needed at that moment.

"So...Hotch gave me orders to keep you close because Emily said you seemed off," Garcia said without preamble and I sighed as I sat down.

"Emily has been keeping an eye on me since last month when I was sick. I'm not off, I'm just busy." I said as Garcia typed away on her keyboard.

"Yea, well I'm going to keep the boss happy and keep an eye on you for him. For as long as I can."

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><p>Garcia kept me close all day, having me get the files that I needed to review between the little things she asked me to look up. The fact that's he could've done all of those things in five seconds made me realize that it was even worse than I had expected.<p>

Emily had talked to Hotch about me. Hotch had talked to Garcia about me.

"What do you think happened that I deserve such...observation?" I asked when I had finished my pile of case files. I had more that we needed to help with than that we didn't need to help but I would have less pressure for the next case.

"I don't know. You know me, buttercup. I checked but I couldn't find anything and well, I'll just have to go on Hotch's word that something is off and that you need some help. But he told me not to talk about it and now I am—"

"I won't tell him. I just don't understand why you keep giving me these things to do when you can do them all at once and in five seconds."

"Oh, that's me. I enjoy working with you even if we hardly say anything," she turned with a smile and I smiled back, even through my frustration about being held close, I knew that she meant well and she was just following orders. There was nothing wrong with that.

I just had to take it up with Hotch when the team came back from the case. Which could take a while because it was already the end of the day and we weren't any closer to catching the killer.

"Just so you know, I'm only staying here because I like working with you too. Tomorrow though, I have some stuff to do that I can't do here and so you won't have me all day tomorrow," I said, and Garcia hummed in reply before she turned around toward me again.

"I don't know what's going on in your life but just know that whenever you need anything you can always come and talk. I know Emily and Hotch are just worried about you because even though you keep off meeting us outside of work we care about you, okay? Just remember that."

She didn't say anything about it for the remainder of the day. There was nothing to say about it and we only had half an hour before we were forced to leave. Hotch had explicitly told us to leave at six because if we didn't rest we wouldn't find anything.

"Why don't you go home?" Garcia pulled me out of my thoughts and I realized that I had been staring into space for at least ten minutes. "I'm going to run through these a moment before I leave."

"I'll wait. I'm done here for the most part—I'll go over the files again tomorrow. It's been a long day." I rubbed my eyes and watched as Garcia expertly typed away at her keyboard for a moment before she turned off her screens and turned to me.

"Go get your stuff, I'll meet you at your office and we'll walk out together." I nodded and stood, stretching my legs before I made my way to my office with the last of the files I'd sorted through.

Just as I lifted my bag onto my shoulder Garcia appeared in the doorway with a grin on her face and I followed her, and then walked beside her as we made our way to the elevator.

"Is it really just me holding off meeting you guys outside work?" I asked when we stood waiting in front of the elevator. It had stuck with me that she had said that and I wondered if it was all on me.

"Kinda, yea. I mean, we've tried to get you to come and the only time you would was when you'd go with the team to wherever they had to go. Emily said she gave up, but she hasn't because she kind of really wants to be friends. She says you intrigue her and I have to admit, you are intriguing. Sometimes, I wish I could live in your head for a day and see what's going on in there," Garcia rambled and I couldn't hold back the smile.

"It's nothing special." I said and she chuckled. We stayed silent until the elevator stopped at the floor her car was parked on, and she waved at me before she got off. "See you tomorrow PG."

"Stay safe buttercup."

* * *

><p>"How was work sweetheart?"<p>

I hadn't expected him home yet. He had told me the night before that he would be working late all week and so I hadn't thought about dinner or anything else.

"It was okay. I didn't expect you home so early," I said quickly, and he smiled at me. At times like these he was charming and sweet. And I could see that he didn't seem to care about dinner or anything else.

"I thought it would be a nice surprise. They let me go home early because we couldn't keep going without some shut eye and well...you know how it is." Bryan was a lawyer working for a big law firm specializing in fraud and the likes. I didn't know much about what he did but he kept expecting me to know.

"You need your sleep," I said while I stood on my tiptoes to kiss him. He pulled me against him and kissed me hard, but surprisingly gentle.

"So I've been thinking...things are going so well for us, and I think we are ready for some more commitment." My heart skipped a beat but I kept a straight face as he looked at me expectantly. "We should make a baby."

"A baby?" I felt sick to my stomach thinking about having a baby with him and I knew that that was the moment that I had decided to leave him. But I had to be smart about it so I blinked and cleared my throat. "It's not as easy as it sounds."

"We can start trying, we'll both start living healthier and we'll keep everything fun and light. We're ready for it Jennifer, we both know it. We've been together for almost two years."

"True." Even if I didn't agree I wouldn't have a choice in the matter. Just like everything else. It really was time, time to leave him.

"So what do you say?"


	4. Chapter 4

I hadn't even thought about kids. The fact that I was working a demanding job and didn't see any of the money I worked hard for, was one of the reasons.

"I'll...I'll get a check up and we'll talk about it after?" I said, even though it was more a question. I didn't want to anger him—things had been going so well lately—and saying the wrong thing right now might just set him off.

"We can always start trying," he smiled down at me and I licked my lips. "What's the harm in that? I mean, you know they're going to give you the green light, you're super healthy."

"Let's just wait and see...I...it's my time of the month and you know how I am..." I was grasping but he didn't notice. He pulled back and sighed, but then he smiled and gestured around the kitchen.

"I made us dinner. Since I was home so early I thought you'd like to come home to dinner for once." He looked at me expectantly, and I delivered.

I smiled brightly and kissed him once more. "Thank you babe. It smells awesome!" It was what I wanted to hear after a long day at work, when he came home and sat down at the dinner table without a word. He knew how to get it out of me by just a look but I didn't dare ask for something so trivial because a fight would ensue.

"Sit, I'll prepare you a plate." He led me to the table and waited until I was seated before he went back to the stove and began preparing our plates. It was as if he had felt me thinking about leaving and he was showing me how it could be. Should I just forget about leaving? See where this was going?

It didn't seem to fit what he'd done to me for a year. He had manipulated and hurt me more than anyone else, and I'd let him. Emily had seen it long before I had and there was nothing that I could say to make it seem alright. I couldn't even think of anything. When Bryan sat down opposite of me and put a plate in front of me I smiled and thanked him, but in my head I screamed, asked him why he was acting so sweet all of a sudden.

"How was work? You didn't actually tell me anything earlier," he asked again and I looked up from my plate.

"The team is on a case in California. At least three known victims and three maybes. It's nothing I want to talk about during dinner though." I kept a close eye on his expression and even though he tried, he couldn't hide the flash of anger at my dismissal. "How was work for you?"

He launched into a detailed telling of how his day had been and even though it was pretty boring, I listened and responded in the right way at the right time.

"So that's what happened," he faded out and I smiled.

"Sounds like an interesting day." I stood and started picking up the plates when he stopped me, his eyes sparkling.

"It's my turn," he said with a grin and then took the plates from me and stood to put them away. "Anyway, yea it was an interesting day. Michael said to say hi."

"Oh, thank you. Hey, do you mind if I go take a shower?" I asked gently, watching him like always to see if he reacted in a certain way. I was always walking on eggshells, and I was tired. Tired of being careful with what I said and tired of wanting to make him happy. I don't know when it happened but something had snapped in me and I wanted to get out of this.

"Yea, go ahead and wash the dirt and grime off of yourself." He winked at me and I turned and made my way to the bathroom, my mind racing.

Would there be a way for me to hold off having him try for a baby with me for as long as I needed to get out? I had some ideas in my head for saving money but it wouldn't help me get out soon enough and able to care for myself—I would have to be careful about it too. I could open a new bank account and reroute a portion of my paycheck to it, telling Bryan that I was cut back wouldn't be so hard.

What if I asked Emily to help me?

No. I couldn't ask anything that big of her, she had been right when she'd said that we weren't exactly friends outside of work. I had kept them at arms length because I wanted Bryan to be happy and he seemed happy when he had me all to himself.

I could work on befriending them outside work. I could ask Hotch to take me with them on cases, and ask them to hang out after a long day of work. But it was going to take a while before I felt comfortable asking any of them for help. Emily had only joined the team as I was starting to see Bryan and we never really connected over anything.

I took a quick shower and made my way to the bedroom to get dressed for bed. Knowing that Bryan would be done with the dishes and probably sitting in front of the TV, I just lay down and closed my eyes. It would only be for a few minutes.

* * *

><p>I startled awake when Bryan got into bed next to me. He chuckled and turned on his side.<p>

"You'll make an appointment for tomorrow right? For that check up?"

I was wide awake and hummed. "If I can get in tomorrow it's when I'll go in." I rubbed my eyes and I got up. "Go sleep. I'll be right back."

"I'll wait...now that you're awake I just want to talk," he said and I clenched my jaw. Luckily the room was dark and he didn't notice and so when I got up and made my way to the bathroom. I didn't even know what I was doing there except for the fact that I had already told him I'd be right back.

He didn't want to talk and I knew I had to be the person I'd been for the past year even though everything had changed. I knew that I would have to let him do what he did to make sure that he wouldn't suspect a thing even though it made me sick to think about.

Just a little longer.

* * *

><p>I sat in the waiting area of the office of my gynecologist and thumbed through the magazines that were older than a month and were no use anymore.<p>

I had never expected to be able to get in so soon, and had actually hoped that I would be able to tell Bryan that I couldn't make it work but here I was, waiting for my checkup.

I had called Hotch on my way to the appointment and had told him I would be in a little later but that I wanted to talk to him about something. He had been surprised but hadn't said anything about it.

"Jennifer Jareau?"

I looked up to see the doctor standing there and I felt my heart skip a beat. I put the magazine back on the stack and followed her into the examination room without a word.

"I'm Lauren and I don't like it when you call me doctor," she said with a smile and I smiled back if only to be polite. "So I gather you want a check up...any particular reason?" Lauren asked and I shrugged. Only that I wanted to keep myself from getting pregnant right away.

"My boyfriend and I are thinking about having a baby and I thought it smart to have my check up first," I answered instead.

"Very smart. Let's get started then? I bet you can't wait to actually hold that stick that says you're pregnant!"

All I did was keep my smile on my face because I couldn't tell her otherwise. She asked me a million questions about my health, about my mother's health and even some about the health of my grandmother but when she gestured for me to lay down on the table I blinked in surprise.

"We have to see if everything looks healthy so after this we'll do some blood tests, and you'll get those results next week. It's all very simple, just open the buttons of your pants and lift up your shirt," she explained and I licked my lips as I laid down on the table and did as she had told me.

She didn't say a word as she did her job with as much focus as I used to do mine. It was interesting to see, it was one of the things that I used to love watching but today, it was putting me on edge.

"So?"

"There's some scar tissue here," she said softly as she pointed at the screen. I couldn't see a thing but I trusted her judgment. "It might cause trouble for you to conceive but we can't be sure until we run those other tests."

"That's...that's not good news," I could feel the tears in my eyes but it wasn't because I couldn't make Bryan happy if I couldn't conceive. I had to blink hard to keep the tears at bay because even though I didn't want kids with Bryan, I'd always wanted kids someday.

"No...it's not."

"What causes scar tissue like this?" I asked quickly before I would start crying. I knew that the moment that I started asking her questions as if it wasn't about me, the moment that I started compartmentalizing, I would be okay for now.

"Brute force."

She looked at me like she was waiting for me to say something but of course I wouldn't, and she knew this. I thought about all the times that Bryan had kicked me until I couldn't stand straight from the pain in my stomach anymore. The times that he had hit me in my stomach just because he was angry with me about not having dinner ready in time. The fact that I possibly wouldn't ever have kids was because of him and I hated him for it.

* * *

><p>"You're late," Emily grinned at me and I did my best to give her a smile back, my heart still hurting and my nerves only worse because it would take a week to be sure if I could ever have a baby.<p>

What started out as time wasting, had turned into a nerve wracking week of waiting. "I had an appointment."

"Oh...okay," she nodded and turned back to her paperwork. "Oh, by the way...Hotch asked me to send you in right away when you got here."

I made my way to his office and knocked. I walked in without waiting for his answer but he didn't seem to care. He had been waiting for me to come into his office.

"You said you wanted to talk and I think we both have something to say about how things have been going." He gestured for me to sit down. "You can start."

I sat down and crossed my arms, suddenly nervous about what I wanted to say and he flashed a smile at me. It didn't do anything but I knew it was to make me feel more comfortable.

"Okay so I know it's been a while since I went on a case with you. I mean, when it's not close enough for me to get home by the end of the day. And I think that should change. I should be there to keep the media at bay and I haven't been doing my job—it's a miracle that I still have a job." I watched him as he watched me and he sighed.

"I was hoping you'd say that. I have been trying to keep the director at bay by telling him that you've been having a stressful time but we've been informed that if you don't come with us on the next case, you might not even have a job anymore." He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. "Now that we're on the same page, we should talk about the reason you didn't come with us."

"Why?" I asked, my heart skipping a beat. He knew more than he was letting on but I was sure that he didn't know about Bryan. Right?

"Because I don't think that anything has changed in your life but you are okay with coming with us again...so what happened?" He asked. He had no right to ask about my personal life, and I had the right to deflect.

"Nothing changed, but that's none of your business," I said. It was only a second later that I realized that he was just interested because he worried about his team and I'd been closed off for a year at least.

"Okay. Well, get back to work and pick a good case. I'll see you around."

He bent over his desk, effectively shutting down the conversation and I stood to my feet. When I got to the door though, I knew I had to say something and I stood there for a second before I cleared my throat.

"I realized that some things in my life weren't as good as I tried to make them seem, and I am working on changing that. I want to enjoy life and I enjoyed my job more when I was able to travel with the team, and I realized that the only reason that I wasn't going with you was because I asked you to keep me here."

"Thank you JJ."

It only took me a moment to get to my office and for the first time in a year I closed my door, and sat down slowly. My chest was hurting and my eyes were burning but I didn't let the tears fall. Instead, I started on the next thing on the list of things I had to start preparing—a new bank account and some of my paycheck to be transferred there.


	5. Chapter 5

Time slowed as I prepared to do the unthinkable and leave Bryan.

It took me two months to gather two hundred and fifty dollars. It wasn't much but it was all I could on such short notice and so little to go with. If I took more than a hundred a month, he would get suspicious.

"_They cut back on my paycheck and I actually have to start going with the team on their travels again." _I had said, managing to explain for two of the things I had to tell him. He had been angry, of course, but because he had gotten into his mind that he wanted to get me pregnant, he was careful not to hurt me.

I'd seen it in his eyes though. The week that we'd been waiting on the results he'd gotten angrier every day, and I couldn't imagine what would happen when I wouldn't be able to conceive.

The doctor had called three days after I'd told him about my paycheck and my travels.

"_We ran the tests a couple of times and I...I regret to inform you that without surgery, you won't be able to get pregnant without risking your life and that of the baby." _

He had been devastated but that didn't even come close to what I had been feeling, and still was feeling. My entire world had fallen apart and my heart was broken. I would never feel a miracle growing inside of me, I would never hold my baby that first time after giving birth.

Soon after that he started getting angry again and actually acting on it more frequently. It took Emily only a week to see the bruises but everyone else still was in the dark about what was happening at home and I let them be in the dark. At least for now.

* * *

><p>"Jayje...how long are you going to keep this up?" Emily sat down beside me as the plane started gaining altitude and I closed my eyes, my head pounding. "What's bothering you?"<p>

"What?" I asked, opening my eyes in surprise. "Nothing, I mean...other than the fact that...no. Nothing is bothering me."

"That only makes me not believe you more. What's going on?" I watched her and her genuine concern about my well being and I longed to tell someone about everything that was going on but I couldn't. It hurt too much to talk about it.

"Em...it's too early in this thing we have to talk about these kind of personal problems. I just can't...okay?"

Emily sat back in the comfy chair and I closed my eyes again. Even though in the past two months I'd gone with the team on their travels, I still felt far removed from them.

It wasn't anything they did. Emily and Hotch pulled me into the conversations whenever they could I was just so trained in not making any friends that I found it harder than I initially thought.

Dave Rossi was the only one who let me be who I was without looking at me like something was wrong which was nice. He usually stuck by me and Hotch but this time he would have to do some more field work.

"Rossi and Morgan, you go to the first crime scene. Prentiss and Reid the second while JJ and I will go and set up at the station." Hotch's voice cut through the silence like a butter knife and I looked up to see Emily winking at Reid.

"You shouldn't play with him," I said.

She looked at me for a second before she smiled. "He knows me. We work together so often that we're like brother and sister." Her smile faded and she focused on me. "He's worried about you too you know?"

"Why?" I asked as a reflex. She raised her eyebrows and sighed, but didn't say a word. "Listen, I'm working on some changes but it's not going to be a quick fix. It's not easy, alright?"

Just as she was about to say something, the pilot informed us that we were landing soon and I could see she was too distracted—or acted too distracted—to continue the conversation. It was a relief.

I'd never been on a flight of only thirty minutes but after this I hoped we got longer flights. My ears popped and my head pounded all the way to the ground and hours after. And that for a thirty minute flight.

* * *

><p>Three women were killed for their babies. Of course, we caught the killer before he could strike again. I didn't doubt my team for a second. It seemed like they were on point the whole time but when we sat on the plane again waiting for takeoff, Emily sank down opposite of me and sighed.<p>

"I thought for sure we were going to lose another one." She closed her eyes and bit her lip. "There was so little to go on."

"But we got him. You got him Em. He's behind bars and the pregnant women are safe again." She shrugged and I leaned forward and touched her hand. "You did good, Emily. Don't doubt yourself for a moment."

Emily smiled and turned her hand to hold on to mine. "You're an awesome person. Hey, you want to talk about what had you so emotional? I mean, for a lot of the time you had some look on your face."

"What look?" I thought back on the times that Emily had been around while we worked the case. She had been out on the field a lot but when she was there with Hotch and me, she had indeed been watching me.

"This look, I can't explain." She stared at me intently and squinted her eyes. "Is it the case? Something about the case got too close?"

"No, not at all," I said, but it had. The three women who had gotten pregnant had worked a long time to get there and they were killed for the baby they carried. They had either been sick or had been told they could never have kids and the killer had taken that away from them.

"Okay, if you say so. But you're doing it again now so I'm going to say that you saw something that hit home a bit too close." She closed her eyes again and stopped talking but she held on to my hand. And so, because if I didn't I couldn't be comfortable, I changed seats to sit next to her.

"Just...leave it be for now."

"You got it Jayje."

* * *

><p>After having finished the report for the case I went home. I realized that, even though Bryan knew I wouldn't be sure when I got home, I was rushing to finish it and get home. I didn't want to get him angry. Not in the last stretch of me being with him.<p>

I had made my decision. The next time I would see her, I would ask Emily for the help she'd offered. Even though I'd rather not I knew I needed it, because I wouldn't be able to get out soon enough and if he found out...

I didn't want to think about what would happen. I didn't have enough money in the bank but I would have someone to help me and I would get out.

_"Hey Em, was wondering if we could talk tomorrow?"_ I texted her, hoping she would reply before I got home.

She didn't. I walked into the apartment that hadn't felt like home the last two months and went straight to the bathroom. All the lights were out which meant that Bryan was already asleep.

After taking a quick shower and putting my clothes in the washing machine, I made my way to the bedroom. Bryan lay on his side, deep asleep and I shivered as I slipped in next to him. He usually slept light and woke up when I got in but he was out like a light, he didn't move except for to breathe.

It took me a while to fall asleep. The nerves of leaving him were too present and my thoughts were running a mile a minute with how Emily would react. For some reason I expected her to help me without question but I knew that wouldn't happen and I knew that I had to explain things.

I was okay with that but what would I tell her to have her help me? To have her want to help me?

* * *

><p>I woke up long before Bryan did but I didn't move. I lay there staring up at the ceiling and waited until he woke up.<p>

But he didn't wake up before my alarm rang, and by then it was too late to shut it off to keep him asleep. He moaned and turned on his back, his eyes still closed.

"Morning," he muttered as he reached out and pulled me against him. I felt a twinge in my stomach as he kissed the top of my head, and I sighed.

"Morning. I have to get up." I weakly tried to get out of his grip but I knew that no matter what I said or did he would only let me go when he wanted. It made me afraid of what would happen when I left.

"I know, but I missed you." He pulled me on top of him, gripping my arms so tightly that I was sure I would find bruises later and pulled my head down for a kiss. "Why can't you stay home today?"

"Because I have things to do. I can't call in sick anymore, I told you that I've been warned." I forced myself to kiss him again before I rolled off of him and got out of the bed. He didn't stop me this time but I could hear him growl and I knew that no matter what I did I would get in trouble for what happened at work.

I left the room and went into the bathroom. I had an hour but I wanted to be out as soon as possible and so I rushed a shower, got dressed quickly and made my way back to the bedroom to find Bryan had fallen asleep again.

When I got into my car I checked my phone. I had left it in the living room the night before and hadn't bothered to check for messages before.

_"Sure, come get me when you get in."_ Emily had texted back and I sighed in relief before I started the car. I looked up at the apartment and could swear I saw Bryan look out the window but when I looked again I didn't see him.

* * *

><p>Leaving Bryan had never seemed so easy.<p>

"I promise, I will find a way to help you. First things first, I will make sure you have a place to stay. You can move in with me for a while or we can rent a place for the two of us. So that he can't find you that easily. I have been thinking about this for a long time, Jayje, because I knew you would come to me at some point."

"I just need to make sure that I get my paycheck on my new bank account," I said as I felt the relief wash through me. "Em...I want to leave tomorrow."

"Of course. What do you want to tell Hotch? The team? They will ask questions if you don't show up tomorrow." Emily had sure thought of everything, because I hadn't even begun to think about anything else. "I'll help...figure out something to say. Don't worry, okay?"

And even though I knew I had help, I was more afraid than before. Because now it was real, I would really leave him tomorrow.

* * *

><p>I had planned it all out. I woke up, noticed Bryan was still there and got ready for work. He had told me he would start a little later this week and that also meant that he wouldn't be home early.<p>

Of course, in my original plan he would be gone by the time I woke up and I would have all day to pack what I needed. But things changed and plans never seemed to work out how they were supposed to.

I drove around town for a couple of hours, and when I was sure that he was gone I drove past the apartment building a couple of times, just to be absolutely sure.

When I rushed inside I felt like a stranger and my phone buzzed in my pocket startling me. It was Emily.

"Where are you? What is taking you so long?" She asked without preamble and I realized that in all the time that I had been driving around I hadn't told her the change in plans.

"At home packing right now. He didn't leave until an hour ago, I had to wait," I replied and she sighed in relief. "If something had happened I don't think I'd have answered my phone so quick."

"I'm just worried, alright? Pack your stuff and get going. I'll wait for your call."

I grabbed my suitcase and packed what I could. I had hidden pictures of my past in the nightstand and put those in there before I covered the box with clothes. There was nothing else that I had that was of worth, and so I was out of there faster than I had expected.

It only took me an hour to search through the house for anything that I could take and take it, and by the time that I got to my car my heart was practically trying to get out of my chest. Every sound, even the ones I made myself had me on edge and I was just glad to be out of there.

I had prepared for the worst. I had prepared for when he came home unexpectedly and when he would stop me from going. But I hadn't exactly prepared for the easiest, which was what was actually happening. You read about the horrors of women who tried to leave their abusive boyfriends every day, how they would beat them to the point where they couldn't even move. Some even died.

But I was lucky, in that aspect. He didn't come home unexpectedly, and he didn't stop me from leaving. He didn't beat me to a pulp, he didn't kill me. But my head told me the one thing that I wanted to forget—not yet.

There was a great possibility that he would come after me when he realized that I wasn't at home and that all my clothes were gone.

And so began a life of worrying he might find me.

At least I had Emily, and I would have the team if I asked for help. They would protect me.


End file.
